Zapped

In a moment of pause and peace, I felt absolutely drained. I didn’t understand it. How was I doing less than before but absolutely physically wiped?

 For the last few years, I moved at a breakneck speed. From 2017 to 2021, I moved to California for graduate school, graduated with my MBA, moved back home to Alabama, worked in Project Management, wrote a book, designed t-shirts, got engaged, moved to Michigan, got married, and started a new job in tech sales.  

Through it all, I leaned heavily on God for faith while jobhunting and dating during the Coronavirus pandemic. When I seemingly got it “all” I paused to soak it all in and then I panicked. Surely the shoe is dropping soon. What great struggle is lurking around the corner? I began to feel stagnant; sluggish. I fervently asked God what was next? I prayed for others, thanked Him daily for His continual blessings, but yearned for the next mountain to climb. Eventually, I got my answer: a new website and book.  But when I got the answer, I sat on it. I didn’t move right away. I lightly researched online and watched some Youtube videos but I didn’t move with fervor. Days and weeks passed and my progress on the projects was minimal. 

I could feel a blah-ness taking over me. I watched my days evolve to work from home, eat dinner, watch a streaming show, scroll on my phone, then go to bed. I began to feel heavy. I knew I should be doing more. But I found myself so overwhelmed with my next tasks, I resorted to inertia; I became too overwhelmed to start.

I decided to take my concerns to my husband one night. Through our conversation, I realized,   what I thought was developing into a mild form of depression may have been the result of me not acting on what God told me to do next. Was the task becoming something so heavy on me that because I was keeping it inside me, it was weighing me down?   

During this time I felt a connection to the prophet Jonah, who ran from his task of preaching to the wicked nation of Ninevah. Just as my inner delay rocked me, Jonah’s delay caused a great storm to come upon a boat he boarded. Jonah was eventually thrown overboard and God graciously provided a fish for Jonah to dwell in for three days.

“The engulfing waters threatened me, the deep surrounded me; seaweed was wrapped around my head. To the roots of the mountains I sank down; the earth beneath barred me in forever. But you brought my life up from the pit, O Lord my God. When my life was ebbing away, I remembered you, Lord, and my prayer rose to you, to your holy temple. Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs. But I, with a song of Thanksgiving, will sacrifice to you. What I have vowed I will make good. Salvation comes from the Lord.” (Jonah 2: 5-9).

Jonah eventually did what God told him to do and the people of Nivevah repented. I wonder what is on the other side of you and I’s obedience? This blog is my first step in moving on the tasks God has shown me to complete. With each keystroke, I know I’m moving in the right direction. The relief and lightness I felt when I began to move in the direction God told me was unmatched.